SMALL VS TALL

If someone asks Peggy for a “Tall coffee,” she’ll respond with, “What’s that?” She can drag it on for a couple of minutes trying to get the person to say, “Medium.” It really just depends on how stubborn the customer is. There was a time when people resisted calling a cup of coffee anything but small, medium or large. That was when “Short,” was still “Small.”
I could care less one way or the other. If someone asks for a “Tall,” I just assume they mean medium. I don’t argue it anymore; there aren’t enough hours in the day. The phrase that makes me cringe is, “I’ll have a double-double.” To me “Double-double,” is the coffee shop equivalent of, “Would you like fries with that?”
Not only have people succumbed to Corporate Coffee Culture, they have embraced it. If they don’t like their hot beverage, they know they can exchange it or get a refund. These are the people who put their satisfaction above all else, by whatever means necessary.
“I’ll have a large cup of decaf mixed with the Columbian - but mostly decaf,” the woman said, rifling through her purse.
“We only have decaf Americano,” I told her.
“Whatever.”
I opened my mouth to tell ask her if she would prefer half and half Americano, or a just a coffee with a shot of espresso in it, but she cut me off, annoyed with me.
“Look, I don’t care how you do it, just do it,” she said to me, like I were her assistant and the shop was her office.
“Charming, “ I muttered under my breath.
Ollie walked over to the cash register as the woman fumbled through a stack of coffee cards. “Can you ring in a large coffee with a shot of espresso?” I said, pouring the shot. Ollie charged her $2.15.
“The sign says a large coffee is $1.90.”
“I charged you for a medium coffee with a shot of espresso.”
“Well, you’re the only shop that does it like that,” she humphed. “Do you take any of these cards?” she asked, spreading them on the counter. It looked she had a card for every coffee shop she had ever been to in her life.
“No, but we have our own if you would like one.”
“I won’t be coming back.”
“You won’t?” Ollie said.
“Not if you’re going to be like that.”
We watched her, slack-jawed as she stirred her coffee furiously at the condiment stand, probably devising some short-term revenge. “That woman is a total bitch!” Ollie said.
“I’m way too fucking old for this shit Dude.”
“I hope she fucking complains to Neil,” Ollie said.
Although she was by all means the type of person who would call and complain, I doubted she would be tracking Neil down to call him. She was obviously passing through the neighbourhood, probably from Yaletown. Were this her regular coffee shop; she would have been demanding we be fired.
As the door swung shut behind the woman’s ass, Ollie said,” I need a cigarette.”
“I need one too,” I said. “But I don’t smoke anymore.”
I replayed the episode over and over in my head for the rest of day. I wished there were things I had said; I wished I had refused her service. After a couple of hours of this I wondered if she were doing the same thing, replaying our encounter over in her head, and if she was, was she feeling smug? Hurt? Or if I was typical of her every transaction.



GarpinBC