LURCH

I’ve known Lurch for just over ten years now. Like most of my gay friends, we slept together, and then kinda-sorta-dated before we started hanging out. He let me move in with him so I could save some money before I moved to San Francisco, then he drove me to SeaTac airport. He visited me in San Francisco a couple of times – he came down right after I tested positive and we drove down to Los Angeles for a weekend. We’ve been in and out of contact since I moved home – he helped me move a couple of times. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years.
Last night Lurch called out of the blue. I was at Ollie’s watching the Canadian women’s softball team play China in the Athens Games. Canada won two nothing. We had a couple of drinks in us and a joint when he called.
“Want to go out for dinner? My treat,” he said.
“I’m a little buzzed right now. I’m at a friend’s watching the Olympics.”
“That’s okay. I want to pay you back for helping me move last week.” Lurch had found a cheap place to live in the East End. It was the first time he had lived outside of the West End in twenty years.
“What the hell.”
Lurch met me in the parking lot behind The Shop.
“You reek of booze!” he said, when I got in the car.
“I told you I’ve been drinking! I need to go home and change. I smell like shit.”
“You always smell.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
“I saw Upchuck. I honked my horn at him but he ignored me.” There’s bad blood between Lurch and Upchuck. Upchuck really wanted Lurch to fuck him, but Lurch wasn’t interested. Lurch played cat and mouse with him for a couple of weeks, until finally Upchuck left a nasty message on his voicemail.
“He’s probably drunk.”
“This early?”
“It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon. What do you expect?”
I could see Upchuck swaying down the alley. He was definitely lit. I had bumped into him earlier on the beach. He was just opening his first beer.
“I’m gonna pretend to run him over.”
“Leave him alone!”
“Ohhh…you don’t want me bugging your girlfriend?”
“Just leave him alone. He’s drunk!”
“I’m in a angry mood. I want to get drunk. I’m just waiting for someone to piss me off.”
Lurch honked the horn at him as we drove by. I waved meekly at him, feeling guilty, like I had betrayed Upchuck some how. I hate it when my friends don’t get along.
Lurch took me to Clove on Denman. It just opened. Lurch has been going to the Clove on Commercial and was raving about it. It was a nice enough place, kinda modern, kinda industrial. They’re obviously still ironing the kinks out. I had the Ahi Tuna and several martinis. It was pretty good. We went for cake and coffee across the street after.
It was still early. We had tentative plans to see the “Alien Vs Predator.” I was feeling no pain as we zoomed up Nelson toward Granville. Some how we got to the topic of Vancouver Magazine’s twenty-five most influential gay people. Lorne Mayencourt’s name came up.
I’m not big fan of the BC Liberal’s. Who’s kidding who – I hate them. Lorne has been on the receiving end of a lot of bad press for about a year now, his riding isn’t happy with his performance in parliament. He’s towing the party line. I’ve only been here for half of his term and I haven’t heard anything positive about him. I was really turned off by his “Safe Streets Act,” Legislation. He basically wants to make it illegal for homeless people to squeegee car windshields or panhandle close to stores. I said as much to Lurch.
“Lorne is a close personal friend of mine. I’m sick of the smear campaign against him.”
I knew Lurch and Lorne were friends, and have been avoiding the topic of Lorne’s leadership whenever his name comes up.
“It’s not a smear campaign, people are genuinely fed up with his voting record. It’s time for him to go.”
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“Lorne’s done a lot for this community. He started Friends for Life you know.”
“I didn’t know that. I just wish he’d do more for the people he was trying to help when he started that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You just believe what everyone tells you!”
“Oh so the article in ‘The Georgia Straight’ about getting his mailman suspended was all bullshit?”
“The Straight hates the Liberals.”
“Then why didn’t they comment on the story? Why did he support stripping tenants rights? I thought he’s supposed to be a renter. Why did he give himself a raise then turn around and cut health care workers wages?”
“That’s not his fault!”
“It his fucking party! That fucking government wants everyone to work for eight bucks and hour so they give their friends tax breaks and kick-backs while the rest of us struggle!”
“Stop being such a fucking whiner!”
“That’s it! Stop the car! I’m getting out.”
“Don’t start with that shit!”
“Lorne Mayencourt is nothing but a bitchy queen who uses his position to mete out his personal vendettas and he’s hostile to his constituents!”
We were stopped at a red light at the corner of Nelson and Hornby. I got out of the car, slammed the door behind me. I watched Lurch speed down Hornby.
I hadn’t had a cigarette in a couple of hours. I bought a pack at the Seven/Eleven on my way home. I was shaking. I couldn’t believe I had just had a screaming match over Lorne Mayencourt. I know better than to talk politics – I’m too passionate about it.
My stomach was upset the whole night; I kept getting up to go to the bathroom and drink some cold water from the fridge. My mind kept going back to the argument. Now I have one more reason to vote against Lorne.
I called and left a message on Lurch’s voicemail apologizing for how the night ended. I don’t expect to hear from him anytime soon.

Garpinbc